Thankful

"Give thanks" that's what the bible says about life. "Give thanks in all things."  All things Lord? What does that mean? Surely it doesn't mean thanks for the pain or the loss or the grief over an injustice. How can that be from a loving God who wants only good things for his creation? Can that really be true? All things?

What is the answer to my life's questions? More of God in my life. More Jesus, more love, more learning how to roll around in the deep with the maker of my days and not struggle under the weight of the waves that are crashing upon me. More of raising my eyes unto the hills and knowing where my help comes from. My help comes from the Lord. Becoming thankful for all things because I gave God my life. My life is his to do with as he will. To be thankful all of these days, thankful brings witness to grace and grace brings ease of assurance that I am in his hands. Thankfulness is the key to open me to more grace from Gods storehouse of love. It opens the flood gates for the spirit of love to reside in my eyes. That I may see the many gifts he has given. From the light upon the wings of a thousand birds landing in a field to the droplets of rain on a window pane I have eyes to see these things. I have ears to hear the gentle snoring of my loved one beside me, to the sounds of Mozart in the air where I reside, to the laughter of my 86 year old Father who is still with me on this earth. Ears to hear the gifts. To know that my very breath this morning has come from his love and I can know this and feel thankful. I am on a quest to see the grace around me, to know the hand that feeds me, to hear the voice that gently calls my name in the third watch of the night. I am hunger and I am thirst and there is no quenching the fire apart from the grace of thanksgiving. There is no filling of the wine or the breaking of the bread inside the challis of my life with him, apart from thanksgiving. I see lack and he see's plenty. I feel fear and he is faith, I wander and he waits. Only the grace of his presence restores me to sanity again.
I am thankful this morning, this Thanksgiving morning, for the many gifts of his grace. For the wisdom to know that the answer to everything empty and lost is thanksgiving for the one who brings life and heals wounds and bears sin upon a broken body made whole. I am thankful for the table of love that I will be seated at, with loved ones new and old that have brought grace into a tempus storm. On this amazing grace morning I can only raise my eyes to the dawns early light and see the wonder of the gift and say "thanks" in a hushed tone of one long waiting for the answer to the pain. It has been there all the time I wandered lost and weary. The answer is thankful. The answer is grace in thanksgiving. The answer is in the eyes that see.

Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, I once was lost but now I'm found, was blind but now I see.

Exquisite Earth

The earth, the exquisite earth, the pull of the earth, the draw of the earth, the sounds, the movement, the light of the earth, the glory of the earth, the smells of the earth, the dance the earth does under the touch of the maker of the earth
I am swept into high places
deep ravines of mysterious wonders
thrown myself into the galaxies
that have made known to me
the majesty
of one so great
I tremble at his feet.

Winter has wrapped me up again

I love the fall. I love the crisp air and the blue skies and the crunching, blazing leaves on the tree's and the soups! I love the sweaters that have been hidden all summer in my closet. I love the sunshine that keeps me warm and the beauty of a soft morning. I love fall and I love a tiny bit of winter too, but just a tiny bit. I love, love Christmas and snow from December 15th through New Years day. I love the sounds of Christmas and the candlelight services and the writing of Christmas cards and the connecting with friends. It's a Wonderful life is the annual Christmas movie under a warm comforter, with a pot of tea. Love that too.
That seems to be where Winter and I part company. I find the long dark nights to be oppressive. I hate waking in the dark and having it be hours before light comes. I hate the early sunsets and the freezing ice under my feet on my morning walk and the layers upon layers that I must wear to keep my skinny butt warm. I hate the dragging feeling that pervades my days. Oh and the longest day of the year (solstice) why can't that be in, oh say, June?
I love to be outside, to garden and to move and winter wraps me up and makes me heavy and lethargic and wanting to be babysat by HGTV. I know, it's pathetic. Oh, and did I mention my Hubby, hates winter even more than I do? So he is a cranky guy in the cold and that makes for a loooong winter too. So Winter is (as my Dad would say upon looking at me at the breakfast table when I was a snarly teenager) "A thing of beauty is a joy forever"

I am trying to look around for beauty and all I am seeing is brown under dirty snow. Brown, beige, blah. I am also wearing beige and my hair is tossed into a bun on top of my unruly head that just wants to go back to bed. It's Noon and I am still just dragging myself around the house. Then I remember that several dear ones passed away before their time this year. They didn't get the privilege of living to experience the promise of a new day. They didn't get to have another chance to make things right with a person your mad at, or help a suffering stranger, or voice a loving thought to a hungry ear. Brown or not I have been given that choice today. No matter how I might feel. So I am choosing to say "Thanks world." I am choosing to go for a walk and listen to the crunching snow beneath my feet and to be thankful for coats that keep me warm and food to fill my belly. I can call my hubby and encourage him and tell him he matters to me. It's this choice to see the pink flower blooming from the Christmas cactus in the living room. Prickly and pink....Nice

Lone thoughts on a high wire

The moon has been pulling me in the night to light upon my feet and notice the play of the moon to my up turned face through the open window. I have had trouble returning to dreams as I am in a season of such Tsunami like activity that my sometimes quiet mind will begin to chatter with worry. The thoughts are chattering like many birds on a wire, "what?, where is the food?, oh man look at that cat?, look out the wind is blowing?, Its cold, where is my next meal coming from?, That bird over there has been making faces at me, why doesn't the lady refill the bird bath?" Only my thoughts are more along the line of "When will I be able to move?, who is going to buy our home?, how are we going to make it financially?, what if I can't get well?, wonder what that pain in my leg is? Is my life ever going to get better? What does the future hold?"  I take a deep breath and realize that I am allowing all of those chattering birds of thoughts and worries steal my peace. I realize that in the midst of the crowd of anxious thoughts is the lone bird that is speaking softly "Peace be still" The lone bird isn't anxious or afraid. It trusts that GOD is in control and will make all things right in his will and in his time. I realize I have to really try to hear the lone birds thoughts. They can easily be drowned out by the roar of the chattering birds on the wire above. But if I will stop and breathe and say a prayer for peace, I have the ears to hear and the eyes to see a better way. The way of peace.

Simply love Organic: Venus and the moon

Simply love Organic: Venus and the moon: They hang like earthly friends in a cosmos sky Dancing in Gods creation The music of Brahms perhaps within their ears Sharing the wonde...

Venus and the moon

They hang like earthly friends in a cosmos sky
Dancing in Gods creation
The music of Brahms
perhaps within their ears

Sharing the wonder of the universe
in the galaxies of awe
They are content to be brilliant
Just by hanging together
on the star corner of infinity

Selah

Darkness and Dawn

I love how darkness lifts at dawn. A metaphor for life in the aftermath of any type of trauma. We imagine we will never see the light of day again and then the pink begins and the yellow splashes a joyous stroke and the mystery of Gods awakening on that first morning in the garden becomes apparent to even the most jaded and broken amongst us! We begin to see shadows of the things around us and as we strain our eyes the horizon becomes a possibility that registers in our brains. Look, there is life out there!

Choices

There is a saying in the wind that calls me to begin
I have choices
I can chose to give in to feelings that want me to quit
or snarl
or say an unkind word to a stranger or friend
Or I can hold my tongue until tomorrow
and trust that the storm within me will have passed
and the light upon a face will shine
I can chose
I can bring to this day a smile or a laugh
a hand that reaches out
a forgiveness of the past
I can chose
to believe in goodness and God
instead of screaming messages of indifference
that say "You don't matter to anyone"
I can chose
to be kind when I am hurt
to be gentle when I am pushed
to be humble when I am strong
to be easy when I am wound tight
I can chose
in this dark night
to wait for dawn
to begin again
to brush my hair
and love the stranger on the street
the child crying at my feet
the haughty woman in the third row
the glaring finger of the driver on the road
I can chose

Choices bring us closer to the world we want to see
All I can do is change me

Wild Prairie Ranch

It's in the grass that blows
the cold fingers of winter grab my heart and throw my dreams
They tumble like the weeds that will remind us of parched lands

We are the soil barren
We are the wandering weed
We are the search of something wild
within
this test of travel
a new stretch
called Home
Prairie
Wild

Home for the bewildered

It's ironic that the girl who writes about organic living is now fighting the after effects of a massive herbicide/pesticide poisoning that came from the farm behind us. My once organic farm is now contaminated by drift from the acreage behind us and I can never go home again and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. For the past 7 weeks I was fighting for my life with some of the most painful symptoms I have ever known. Unable to eat my weight plummeted to 84 pounds. Just a few days ago I went back on solid food after weeks of pureed baby food. It simply defies understanding.

I am learning some valuable lessons about life. One, Life is never fair. Two, people in our country have placed value in things and not beings. Three, I have found kindness in strangers. Four, I know who truly loves me and they are few and far between.

We are currently in the process of living out of some new friends home and renovating a very run down small home on the prairie with a huge expanse of land all around us and the wind dancing through the grass. Winter is fast approaching and our sanity hangs by the tether of faith. With funds in short supply and our beloved Trolley farm yet to find it's next owner, we are living by faith and the kindness of strangers and the hope for a better life in the wilds of the prairie.

No happy ending to report at this time.
Just a moment of sheer bewilderment at the turn of events on our lives and the understanding that we can't often see our future and we must learn to roll with the deep waters that can sweep through our lives and leave us breathless.

Dance (written and performed by Lynn Schriner)

Bless the Beasts and the Children

If you remember, there was an amazing song back in the 70's from a movie called "Billy Jack" The song was sung by the Carpenters and there is this haunting melody line that says "Bless the beasts and the children, give them shelter from the storms, keep them safe, keep them warm."
I am a sensitive soul that feels the pain of the innocent.
We as adults and caretakers of this earth, the children and the animals have a strong responsibility to be the voices for the innocent. When they are abused or neglected we MUST try to help them.
I posted this beautiful song here and I do hope you will take a moment to listen and to remember the message.

The Carpenters - Bless the Beast and the Children

The fat facts from a skinny girl

When I was a little girl fats meant butter. Lots of butter and cheese and well, butter. I remember butter on pancakes and butter on bread and butter frying the chicken and butter on popcorn. Our lives were a generation of butter and then came this whole movement of low fat foods being healthy for you. So the country embraced carbohydrates which spiked our blood sugar which caused inflammation and metabolic syndrome which causes belly fat, heart disease and diabetes. (All the things the "Fat" was supposed to cause)
The body needs two types of fats, Omega 3's which is found in wild fish and Alpha-linolenic acid which comes from plants such as flax seeds, avocados and walnuts. Omega-3 is excellent in lowering inflammation in the body which decreases disease. The second type of fat is Omega-6 which is an overabundance in our American diet. It is highly inflammatory as average Americans are eating it at a 20-1 ratio with the Omega-3. The healthy ratio would be more like 2-1. Animals fed commercial corn instead of grass have an inflated level of omega-6. It is much better to eat grass fed, organic meat. Never eat farm Salmon as they too are fed an unnatural diet with corn which is now probably raised with GMO seeds.  So only eat wild Salmon and sardines as they are high in omega-3.
By far the best balance for fats would be eating organic extra virgin olive oil for the omega-9 fats, walnuts or Flax oil for ALA and Borage seed, evening primrose and black current oils  for omega-6. The body needs protein from grass fed sources and above ground vegetables with an occasional root vegetable and a piece of fruit. Fermented vegetables like cabbage, beets, carrots are excellent for your digestion. In that mix I say it's ok to occasionally eat organic rice or oats, and organic butter. Yes Butter, your skin will thank you as well as your smiling, happy self because the "butter' craving has been soothed.
If you wish to stay skinny my tip is eat your fats, the healthy ones and don't eat after 6. Exercise by walking every day. Eat to live, don't live to eat. Fill up on things other than food, like art, music, dancing, crafting, gardening, talking with a friend. If you eat less statistics say you live longer.  Enjoy life and remember to just relax when you eat. Food will become a friend, not an addiction. www.trolleyfarm.com

Simply love Organic: Home sweet home

Simply love Organic: Home sweet home: I used to live in the land of "what's next?" What is going to happen tomorrow? Will I get a phone call that will change my lif...

Home sweet home

I used to live in the land of "what's next?" What is going to happen tomorrow? Will I get a phone call that will change my life? Is the public going to hear my music or read my blog or go to You tube and watch my video? I know, hidden amongst all of the million other singer/songwriters and their thoughts of "What's next?" Will some rich philanthropist fund the next well for the orphans whom I so love and for whom I write the music and do the work.
 So the past few weeks I have been blessed with some pretty neat stuff for a gal like me. I won the Independent country music award Folk artist of the year! My sweet man ran up the stairs and jumped up and down on the bed hollering "you won!" I was given a lot of shout outs and a plaque or a statue of something is coming and talk of an awards show in Nashville and a radio rotation for my song River High (The one I wrote in the dawns early light after a night from hell) Yea, art comes with a lot of suffering. I was interviewed on the "American Perspective" by a journalist who has interviewed Maya Angelo and Michael Jackson. They called her the "Italian Oprah" In the past I have been filmed and pampered and back lit and special taped to pull back the waddle under my chin. You know basic "star" for a day kind of stuff. Over the years with the help of a lot of friends I have raised over $48,000. for orphan work in Africa. I guess when you cross a certain number people start to pay attention which is fine by me because the whole point of the music and the writing and the marketing is for them. Little wonderful kids without parents who pray every night for food and a place to lay their head. I found my life's work in those babies and I pray to be the answer to some child's prayer.
One thing I have noticed in my life of up's and downs is that there comes a time after the television lights or the radio interview or the book signings or hearing your song on the radio when life becomes "my" life again. I wander around my house without makeup and my hair under a baseball cap and my garden boots are on my stocking feet with a bathrobe over the top and I water the gardens and I muck the horse stall and I weed the walkway and I do laundry and listen to the sounds of Bach in my boom box and I hear my dog snore under my feet and I get centered in GOD who lives with me at our little farm. I have never felt so thankful of the blessings around me as I do now. Thankful for it all. So very thankful and I am learning to live right here right now and just breathe in the moment and notice every little thing that I have come to know as home.

Spring and the flight of the bumble bee

As a longtime lover of all things "green" I have been waiting patiently and not so patiently, for the colors of spring to come forth. This has been the year of white. As in "white outs" and not to be confused with something gentle and pure. NO! This has been the year of snow blowing sideways and drifts and cold and the poor little bewildered birds fluffed up and covered in ice amongst the normally flowering lilac bush at our front window.
I am beyond bewildered and so are the plants and the critters and the darling Bumble bee that came sleepily one day when the temperatures came out of Arctic and became down right balmy. This precious creature that is under attack by the likes of Monsanto injecting pesticides into the seeds and requiring farmers to use these monster/evil seeds to grow crops to feed Americans and herbicides and still more problems with the stripping of land that in the past nourished it's kind with wild flowers instead of cement and asphalt.
This beautiful Bumble bee was in search of my "Bee garden" which I tenderly and lovingly planted four years ago and has been the bee's "Happy place" ( mine too while watching them live life as it should be) But this year it lies dormant and brown.
I am all about trying to accept the things we cannot change. I am all about trusting GOD with everything, but I gotta tell ya..watching this bumble bee try to find food just about broke my already heavily laden heart.

It's officially May 6th today. I am waiting for a stretch of warm weather to beckon the poor freezer burned plants that attempted an earlier arrival. God bless their optimism, and for tiny flowers of yellow and reds to beckon those precious bee's to be nourished.